Jasmine Hart

I'm up for it! I've been neglecting poetry recently.

The theme is good, and you manage happy poetry very well. "What Are We? Dancing on the playful breeze , Resting in the notches of trees ( I like this ...

Rather than looking at how you're in pain, I'd try thinking about why you are, and describe the scenes. I like how you turn things around at the end; that ...

Hi Turtle. Welcome to YWS. This flows well, and the ending is effective. I'd only use the refrain at the beginning and the end, as it gets a little tedious. ...

I couldn't write the other day, because I felt really daunted, so I made lists to show myself that I have some vague idea of what I'm doing! This is ...

If you stay with her, she'll begin to gain her own personality; you'll see this when you want her to do something for the sake of your plot and she ...

*note: Dominica is a Russo only by marriage, so her immediate family are Morettis, not Russos. Dominica Russo It was 5.45; time to start moving. It was taking me so ...

sell

Hi. Just a comment about the family tree (which is lovely, by the way!) Dominica married into the Russo family, so her parents and brothers and sisters aren't actually Russos, ...

Heehee. I really enjoyed this. I agree that you should work in a reaction to the blood, but other than that I can't fault it. The inclusion of Meyer was ...

Heehee. That was brilliant! I especially loved "Malfoy: Hey, you’re badder than I gave you credit for, Mud-Blood. Wanna go out on Saturday? We can grab a Firewhisky together at ...

This amused me. :) I love the rhyme, and I love the dark humour. I really loved the contrast in; "until the blood bathed our sultry skin." I also love ...

The rhythm of this is hypnotic. I'd cut "when" and "and" from the first stanza.I love "rubble rings" and "vermin delegates". Your imagery is great. I'd change "man" to "men." ...

I love the rythm of this. "Proud children tilt their blackened heads, limbs rustled by the breeze as sunlight dapples on red hems of petticoats, to their knees. Great laughter ...

I love it, but then, what else is new? The narrative voice is great, and has a sort of childishness about it which works effectively with the theme, the whole ...